


Bilbo Does Not Look Good in Spandex

by clearbluewater



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-24 15:45:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3774346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clearbluewater/pseuds/clearbluewater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What do you mean?” Oakenshield’s voice was sharp and Bilbo had no doubt that his muscles were tense, ready to strike should Bilbo prove to be a threat.</p>
<p>	“I mean…” Bilbo sighed. “Here, let me show you.” Bilbo took a deep breath, and turned invisible. Though his vision had turned white and blurry, he could see the expression of surprise on Oakenshield’s face.</p>
<p>	“You’re one of us! Why haven’t you joined the Company? Have you been visited by the Grey Wizard?”</p>
<p>	“I have,” Bilbo said, turning visible again. “I’d be a terrible superhero, though. I’m not brave, or strong, or smart. The only thing my power is good for is running away. Besides, I do not look good in spandex.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bilbo Does Not Look Good in Spandex

            The wind whipped and lashed at Bilbo’s face, and he shivered. He was wearing a coat and a scarf, but it was much colder on the roof of the Erebor building than the ground. If he had known that Oakenshield was going to be this late, he would have brought a hat. Maybe some coffee. Possibly also a chair.

            Bilbo heard Oakenshield’s rocket boots before he actually saw him, but soon enough he landed on the roof in front of Bilbo.

            “Sorry I’m late,” Oakenshield said.

            “It’s fine. What held you up? Bank robbery? ORCs? The Defiler again?”

            “No, nothing like that. I had a meeting at work.”

            “A meeting at work, huh? So you have one of those corporate jobs?”

            Oakenshield stiffened. Bilbo could somehow tell that he was displeased about the mention of his other life, even though most of his face was obscured with a mask.

            “Sorry. It’s a reporter thing. I can’t just turn it off,” Bilbo said sheepishly.

            “What did you want to speak to me about?” Oakenshield asked in his typical brusque manner. His voice was rough because he was disguising it, but Bilbo had no doubt that his normal voice was deep and growly too. Bilbo hoped he could pass his shiver off for being cold.

            “I just wanted to thank you. For, you know, saving me and all that,” Bilbo said, eyes focused on the concrete of the roof.

            “You don’t have to thank me. I would have done that for anyone.”

            Bilbo snorted. “You sure know how to make a guy feel special, don’t you?”

            “I didn’t mean it like that.” Oakenshield stepped closer to Bilbo, and all of a sudden Bilbo could smell him. If Bilbo closed his eyes, he could remember smelling that scent once before. Strong arms wrapped around Bilbo, a hard body pressed to his, the heat of Oakenshield’s body mingled with the heat of the fire…

            “You _are_ special. When everyone else turned their backs to me, thinking that I was a menace, you still believed in me. You wrote that article, and it’s thanks to you that public opinion is back in my favor again.” Oakenshield held Bilbo by the shoulders. His voice softened, becoming almost normal. “Me and everyone else with powers owe you a debt.”

            “Well, my reasons weren’t…purely altruistic,” Bilbo said, staring at his shoes. He bounced nervously on the balls of his feet.

            “What do you mean?” Oakenshield’s voice was sharp and Bilbo had no doubt that his muscles were tense, ready to strike should Bilbo prove to be a threat.

            “I mean…” Bilbo sighed. “Here, let me show you.” Bilbo took a deep breath, and turned invisible. Though his vision had turned white and blurry, he could see the expression of surprise on Oakenshield’s face.

            “You’re one of us! Why haven’t you joined the Company? Have you been visited by the Grey Wizard?”

            “I have,” Bilbo said, turning visible again. “I’d be a terrible superhero, though. I’m not brave, or strong, or smart. The only thing my power is good for is running away. Besides, I do not look good in spandex.”

            “Join me,” Oakenshield said, holding Bilbo’s hand. “You could be the fourteenth member of my company.”

            Bilbo barked out a humorless laugh. “What would you do with me? I’m out of shape. Actually, that’s a bit generous. I’m fat. I’m weak. I have no idea how to fight. I’m a fainter, did you know that? The slightest peep of trouble and I’m out like a light. I fainted right after you rescued me, remember? I’m just not cut out for being a superhero.”

            Oakenshield let go of Bilbo and turned his back on him. “Not everyone is,” he said, looking out into the distance at the skyline of Dale. He turned back to Bilbo. “I understand. But there are some missions where someone invisible would come in handy.”

            “Well, maybe we can talk about it later. Only if it’s not too dangerous, though.”

            Oakenshield gave a brittle laugh. “Just walking out your front door is dangerous, Bilbo.”

            “It certainly is in this city.”

            Oakenshield looked away from Bilbo again, this time not saying anything. The silence stretched on for so long that Bilbo started to fidget and opened his mouth to fill the air with something, anything, but Oakenshield broke it on his own with a quiet laugh. He turned back to Bilbo.

            “You said that you’re not brave. Well, I’m not that brave either. There was one thing that I wanted to do the next time I saw you, but I don’t have the courage to do it.”

            “What is it?”

            “Kiss you,” Oakenshield said. He took a shaky breath. “When you almost died, I realized—”

            Bilbo stopped breathing. His vision swam for a moment, and then everything went black.

***

            When Bilbo woke up, Oakenshield was sitting next to him. They were inside the Erebor building in the same room where Bilbo had interviewed Thorin Durin, the CEO of Erebor Industries. Bilbo was laid out on a comfortable leather couch and Oakenshield was sitting in a matching leather chair next to him. How did they get in here?

            “You’re awake,” Oakenshield said.

            Bilbo groaned and put his head in his hands. “I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. I told you, I’m a fainter.”

            “Quite all right,” Oakenshield said. His voice was even rougher than before. “The door is over there, and the elevator is right across the hall.” He got up to leave, but Bilbo grabbed his hand.

            “Wait,” he said. “About what you said earlier—”

            “Forget about it,” Oakenshield said gruffly.

            “But I don’t want to forget about it,” Bilbo said, standing up and putting himself in front of Oakenshield. Bilbo took a deep breath, stood up on his tiptoes, and pressed his lips to Oakenshield’s.

            He was unresponsive for a long moment before his hands snaked around Bilbo’s waist and he returned the kiss feverishly. His tongue ran across the seam of Bilbo’s lips, demanding entrance. Bilbo let him in and started to moan.

            Oakenshield growled and lifted Bilbo off the ground. Bilbo gasped and wrapped his legs around him. Oakenshield’s suit left nothing to the imagination, so Bilbo had no doubt what was poking at him.

            Bilbo was starting to feel lightheaded from lack of air, so he had to break away. Their faces were still only centimeters apart. Bilbo memorized the shape and color of Oakenshield’s eyes. If they passed each other in the street, would Bilbo recognize him?

            Oakenshield set Bilbo down. Bilbo’s hands were still on his chest. Oakenshield leaned his face down until their noses touched. They breathed the same air for long moments before he broke away. “You should go.”

            “I should,” Bilbo said. He made no move to leave.

            “You’re not going,” Oakenshield said.

            “You’re not letting me go,” Bilbo pointed out, trying to escape from Oakenshield’s embrace.

            “Oh,” he said, letting Bilbo go.

            “I guess this is goodbye, then?”

            “Until next time,” Oakenshield said.

            “Right. Until next time,” Bilbo said, fingering the communicator in his pocket. Oakenshield suddenly grabbed him and kissed him again, brief but passionate. Bilbo made a surprised sound.

            “Go,” he said.

Bilbo walked out the door with a long backwards look at Oakenshield.

***

            Thorin collapsed onto his couch, sighing and putting his head on his hands. He had cut it too close. They were in his office, for heaven’s sake! It had been Bilbo’s idea to meet on top of the Erebor building. Thorin should have suggested another place to meet, but he had known that his meeting would run late and it was too convenient to pass up.

Thorin’s communicator buzzed. It couldn’t be Bilbo again; he had just left. Thorin answered it. It was Balin.

“Where are you? ORCs have been spotted near the toy district.”

            “I’m coming,” Thorin said. He pushed all thoughts of Bilbo from his head, pressed the button to open the windows in his office, and flew out.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was just a test chapter for a huge work I was planning to write. I had it all plotted out and everything, but then I had no desire to write it. I still think it's a pretty good idea, just not a good idea for _me_ , ya know? It might have been fun with a co-writer, though. Anyways, I feel guilty about not updating anything because of my Semester from Hell so I resurrected it as an apology gift. Updates for my other works should start back up in May!


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